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What Audition Panels are Really Thinking

We’ve all seen it. Standing in front of an audition panel, and watching their eyes slowly glaze over one by one. Maybe one of them is doodling quietly on your audition sheet instead of watching you. Maybe they start to stare a little too hard into the middle distance.

Which of course just shows how much they hate you. What else could it possibly mean? They just aren’t interested in what you’re bringing to the table. Catastrophe! You’d better just resign! Move to a desert island and change your name to Wilson and grow a beard … Right?

Well between us, here’s what they’re way more likely to be thinking about when they go a little slack-jawed.

1. When’s the next gap in the schedule? Because I REALLY need to pee!

2. Could I pull off that outfit?

3. Is it possible for someone to starve if they don’t eat in three hours? I’m pretty sure I’m going to die.

4. What did they say this song was called again? What show is that from? It doesn’t sound like Rodgers and Hammerstein...

5. Oh God, I just finished my coffee. Do you think they have Nespresso pods here?

6. How many fly bars did they say the venue had again?

7. Do you think the rest of the production team knows what their family looks like anymore? Or is it just me? How long have I been here? Am I dead?

8. I need to pee again! What? Some of us have small bladders - it’s a thing!

9. Should I bring leg warmers back? I think I should. They’re retro by now, right?

Of course all of this is totally tongue in cheek! We know how hard audition panels and production teams work to bring to our stages exciting and wonderful shows! We know they’re not REALLY letting their minds wander … right … guys? Guys?

Aw man.